Diary of this Single Girl (I)

Written by Ibukun Tunbi

Sometimes I wonder if the man would come and if the kids would come. It feels lonely especially when I come off my roller coaster workaholic self to face the reality I try to hide.

I have believed for so long that I would meet someone. Meet someone that I would be happy with. It is times like these that make me wonder if I am truly happy or if I am covering up my true feelings with distractions.

Days have turned into weeks and weeks into years. I was watching the news the other day, simply minding my business when they showed a society wedding. Of all places that I would think would be safe to not face my reality, the news had to be the place to do this. I must say, that what shocked me was not really seeing what they reported but who they were reporting.

It was Amanda, sloppy, bookish Amanda, whose hope of ever getting any game would have been the chemistry fomulars she stuck her nose into all the time. Amanda and I had attended university together and she had been the very last person, I thought would get married. Let alone, get married to someone that important in society, the Ogedengbe’s, Wonders do never end.

My mom for one has been wondering what could possibly be wrong with me. Her calls everyday are laden with prayers and news of the next person getting married. I had blocked a number of pages from my Facebook and Instagram, but I guess I could not block my mother as she brought me more news of more weddings.

I have asked myself several times. Why do you want this so much? Why is it so important to you? Would you still be happy if he missed his way, didn’t show up, or just didn’t accept you when he did show up? This answer I still haven’t found yet.

I remember growing up with the fantasy of having my own wedding. I had no choice since my Saturdays were spent attending different wedding parties with my mother. She did not miss any. She was the life of the party which was probably the reason why I was constantly invited to all of them. At the weddings, she would get referred to other weddings by the guests, and soon enough, she was asked to coordinate the wedding parties. I guess it is a case of fun, turning into passion but the story really has not changed to date. Her love for weddings has since grown, causing her to expand into different aspects of the wedding industry controlling major portions of the proceeds.

Whenever she called me to tell me about the next wedding, I listened carefully because in as much as I was not interested in hearing about some other lady clinching her dream man, I knew the whole thing was her dream as well. One thing I did respect about her was she never has asked me to bring someone home even though she has prayed for this someone every time she called me.

Sometimes I wish I could just be with anyone. Meet the right one and immediately fall in love. I had heard some of those stories in the weddings she has hosted. The man fell in love and then chased the woman until she said yes and now, they are living happily ever after.

I did not like those stories. What happened to my right to be able to choose not to settle for the one that stayed. I believed love was a choice, not an afterthought. All my friends had tried to correct me about it. One even went as far as saying, that was why I was still single. Well, that was the reason why she is today no longer my friend.

I am very deliberate about the kinds of people I call my friends, I wondered why being with someone should be any different. Today, on my lonely day, I can tell you Frank was starting to look good as an option. He had been there for a long time, telling me he wants to be with me and showing he cared in different ways. Everyone liked him, but I was not impressed. Even Mary, liked him, which is weird because she is usually the first to scrutinize every man that comes into my space. My fairy godmother is what I called her.

I picked up my phone to call Frank. Maybe I should begin to change my stand on what I think, after all, it was the ladies that were married that were telling me this. His number went through and by the second ring, he picked up my call. I heard his voice

‘Hello. Amy’ he said

That was it. I immediately ended the call. I had totally forgotten how much I loathed the thought of him and his voice was a sharp reminder. He kept trying to call back. I had made a mistake because I was sure he would be calling all night. As far as I know, I, Amy George, would rather remain single, than be miserable.

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