The Independent Woman

“there’s somethin’ about Kind of woman that can do for herself

I look at her and it makes me proud. There’s somethin’ about her

There’s somethin’ oh so sweet* about Kind of woman that don’t even need my help

She said she got it, she got it, no doubt. There’s something about her

‘Cause she work like a boss Ooh, Play like a boss

Car and a crib, she ’bout to pay ’em both off

And her bills are paid on time…..”

Lyrics culled from Neyo’s Miss Independent

Are you the perfect description of Neyo’s Independent woman, the one that loves to handle everything herself? So its Valentine season, red is everywhere and love is in the air but I have a question for the independent women here. Would you go dutch on a Valentine date or a first date?

I remember as a young woman in her twenties back then, I was so strung up about being Independent that I never went on a date with a guy without “vex” money. Just in case dude wanted to act the fool, I’d simply pay my own part of the bill and sashay away, leaving him to wash the plates hopefully.

I remember a particular friend of mine invited me for breakfast one day after our lectures but because I did not have enough cash on me, I turned him down. He was adamant that I had breakfast with him, after much persuasion, I obliged him. That got me thinking about my level of Independence.

While some ladies may frown at this and say “who independence epp”. (Come to think of it, it has not ‘epped’ us as a nation yet), some of us women relish our independence especially financially independence. It just feels good to know you have. Some men (not douchebags o, I mean cool boss men like Neyo) actually really admire when a woman has got it. However, let’s think about this independent thang for a bit.

Is it really necessary? If a guy wants me to the luxury of enjoying my company, he should be prepared to pay for my time right?

A friend of mine once said that “This Miss Independent thing is not for Naija guys o”. They will just take advantage of you and turn you to their personal maga. Truth be told, many Nigerian women have fallen prey to f**k boys who never give commensurately in return. You would think that they would love and respect you the more for being the last 10% of women who are generous with men. Rather, they see such women as their personal ATMs, knowing just the right story to spin with the compelling reverse psychology of never needing a woman’s money because they are hardworking. However, they end up always talking about problems that require financial solutions. Then they get all moody and even start ghosting because of their “problems”. After three days of not communicating with you, you feel so sorry for them and you are moved to assist them.

Next comes the false surprise, the exaggerated gratitude and display of appreciation as they gladly accept the money that is never paid back. In a couple of weeks, its rinse and repeat. They come back with another needy sop story, playing the same emotional and mind games again. If you dare to ask about the previous loan, the wounded ego act comes to play immediately. Some even have the guts to spit your assistance right back in your face when confronted and that is sure to shut you up next time so he can be “vulnerable” with you.  If you also notice, such men hardly give back anything but fake praises and good sex (If it is even good).

Ladies, trust me, financial abuse is real. It is important to understand what this Miss Independent thing should be about. From the lyrics above, we pretty much see a good description of what it is. However, understanding your motive for wanting to be an IW would help yourself from the many predators out there.

1.Being an independent woman is not about competition with any man. I am glad for the feminist movement that has and is bridging the gap in societal injustices between both genders but let us not be carried away and promote the war of the sexes. We need men just as much as they need us to ensure sustainabililty on earth. Think for a moment. What happens if we win the gender war? Would our lives be much easier? If you believe that then you would believe anything. We would then have ample time to focus on our “intra-gender” war. As they say, we women, we are our biggest enemies. Therefore, it will still be war. Being independent as a woman should not make you seek to invalidate any other human being, let alone your partner. Your independence should be a gift and of service to your world. So if you see yourself often trying to prove a point to a man because you have attained a certain status financially, professionally or societally, then you have some underlying personal issues you need to deal with. You may want to consider therapy.

2. Being an Independent woman should not exempt you from being pampered and “taken care of” as a woman. You must be careful to ensure that any man who is your significant other is generous and benevolent with you. He should be happy and willing to spend his hard-earned money on you and sometimes, going out of his budget and way to do something extra for you regardless of if you have a need or not. As women, we were made to be spoiled with the beauties of life. Luxury certainly looks better on us than the menfolk. So yeah, a man who loves you will be willing to spend on you but please do not run him broke. If you are high-maintenance and your partner is not at your level, he should be willing to sacrifice to buy something you will love occasionally but do not always expect him to measure up to your standards. That is pressure.

3. Being an independent woman does not make you better or wiser than any other woman out there. Please stop the comparison, which indirectly allude to our personal insecurities. We should be about supporting each other. If your strength lies in being able to make money from ashes, you should share your strength with other women who may not even know how to make a dime. Help other women stand on their feet and providence will in return, raise people who will complement your weaknesses and teach you to be stronger in them.

There are so many admirable virtues about being an independent woman: You have a voice, you can afford the life you want, you come into a certain level of strength and confidence as an individual and you are often admired by other women Dear Miss Independent, while we urge you to keep serving us with your goal crushing vibes, please never forget to maintain your humility and be a woman…. Chill and be taken kiaruf too.

Written By Ada Uche

*word substituted from original lyric

One Reply to “The Independent Woman”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *